Happy birthday

Jeg skrev engang dette til en vens fødselsdag. Jeg fandt det netop igen og opdagede at det egentlig er ret underholdende – måske synes du det samme – med lidt held…

So… you have one year less to live. Congratulations! Let this party remind you that you’re going to grow old and die. Let me tell you what will happen until the big day comes.

You’ll be gaining more and more weight while you’re loosing more and more hair. Your intelligence will start to go listless and so will your dick while you’re your asshole will be the secret burial ground of the hemorrhoids.

But yes by all means let’s celebrate! But why not take a shortcut to all the delights of getting old? Why wait?

Start boxing! That should take care of your intelligence pretty fast. Get an eating disorder! That will stop you from gaining weight. Ask your girlfriend to gain 120 pounds! That should take care of your dick, oh… and crush a light bulb with your sphincter – that should get you hemorrhoids pretty quick. It’s the oldest trick in the book from porn stars that wants to shirk work.

Now all we need is a song and then this could’ve been a Star Wars holyday special!

Han blev ikke engang sur. Tværtimod faktisk. Det er utroligt hvad man kan slippe afsted med.